Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
WHAT IS ACCOUNTABILITY
What does accountability look like. Does it look like this?
I feel like I have been honest in admitting my mistakes and sins. I feel like I have honestly strived to do what the Bishop has asked me to do. I go to my group meetings, I work the 12 steps, I try to be the kind of person I want to be around every day. I make mistakes and I admit them and try to move on. I have changed my life to provide daily activities to remind me of these things. I accept my weakness and work on surrendering what I can't control. I have tried to be open and vulnerable with my wife. I have worked on my communication skills. I attempt to be real. I still have a long way to go, I'll be an addict all the time but I am also a recovering addict. I can see the whirlwind of destruction in my life and in the pain in my wifes voice. I have expressed my sorrow for the hurt I caused her many times. I have tried to support her and do what small things I can to help her in her healing and her life and her interests. Maybe that is all I'll ever have is the wreckage of what is left but I hope for a better day. I don't know, only God does. I can't figure out why things aren't better but I do know that I can do the things He has helped me to learn. I trust that He can help me do what is right. I trust that when I feel that something is right to do I can do it, and that feeling has often lead me to apologize to my wife or to my children. I pray for my wife and my children and myself for what we need and to be able to help each other. I can't erase the past.
Is this accountability? Or am I just crazy on this too?