Tuesday, November 08, 2005


I feel really whiny and needy today. This post will probably sound just like that. I’m tried and my eyes hurt. I didn’t sleep very well last night. Yesterday was the sixth anniversary of my sons’ death.

I spent some time at the cemetery and remembering his life. It felt very sad and melancholy. I wasn’t able to just feel since I had a number of other things to do, like taking care of the other children, which kept interrupting. I got some grieving in and hopefully that will help. However, I feel really needy today so I guess I need to process my feelings some more.

Grief is a funny thing it feels lonely to me.

I want to just go away today and be invisible. Sometimes, I wish I still had a reliable method of avoiding feeling – of turning off – of getting away.

It’s good to recognize that feeling and accept that is how I feel. I know I won’t die, I will survive this feeling and things will be better. I can make it right now, I can be present. It just seems hard today.

OK thanks for listening. I’ll try to stop whining now.

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