Wednesday, January 19, 2005


Filter: 9
PCI: 25

Negative Mission Statement:

I will be sent away, left alone and abandoned by people that should love me. I must be lectured and coerced into doing the right thing. I am used by others for what services and goods I can provide; I have no intrinsic value to others. Things I love and cherish will be taken away from me. The only person who consistently cares for me is myself. The things I enjoy are wrong and bad.

Positive Mission Statement:

I am loved and accepted and people like to be around me. I can make the right choices. I am kind to others but I don’t allow myself to be taken advantage of. I am intrinsically valuable. I will keep the things I love and cherish. I care for myself and allow others to help. I enjoy many good things.

Well, I’m not sure of the value of that exercise. The negative mission statement comes from my egg. It seems to make sense so far. The positive statement is a reverse mirror of the negative statement. It seems much easier to believe the negative one. In fact the whole affirmation thing is hard to buy into some days. I’m writing a book of LDS affirmations and I’m questioning the value. Irony. I look at the positive statement and I wish that they were consistently true but the fact is that only parts of it have been true so far in my life.

I have lately been falling into the trap of negative self talk. It has been harder to believe in positive outcomes in my life lately. Part of the reason for that is that I got out of the habit of reading my list of personal affirmations during the holidays. I’ve kept up with the ones from the book and converting them into LDS versions but long ago I wrote thirteen or so personal affirmations. I was reading them every morning during my personal time. I was reflecting on that this morning and realizing that this may be part of my negative feelings lately. I’m going to write them down again and put a copy of it with my daily affirmation book so I have them handy to review.

I’ve also been thinking about boundaries because of what the guys in my group were trying to teach me last night. I’m not very good at my boundaries yet. I need to set some more I think. One of them has to do with talking with my wife. Often when we talk lately we fight instead. We go around and around the drama triangle. I need to set a boundary before hand that when I feel that I’m in a triangle I need to say: “Being in the drama triangle isn’t good for me so I need to stop now. I would like to continue our discussion but I can’t do it like this. Let’s take a break and talk about this later.”

This boundary is hard for me since one of my core issues is trying to win approval and affection from my wife and my old brain tells me that when I do something risky like that I’m jeopardizing that goal. My old brain doesn’t understand that I’ve been doing it his way and it hasn’t worked either. It’s time to try a rational approach instead.

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